Mood:

Mellissa has agreed to a three-month trial separation and we will see where we are then. No promises. I am so relieved, as some chance to preserve our marriage and prevent a broken home is infinitely better than no chance at all. I’ll be working my ass off to get back to the “me” I left behind when I was laid off right before Geoffrey was born, before I got clinically depressed, sullen and angry from a year’s forced unemployment and never really came back from it.

I’ve been spending as much time involved with the kids’ activities as possible when I’m home. They are so bright and intelligent, and I have no idea how I could have considered them a distraction from something more important. I’ve read online that too much computer use can cause depression, and I think that definitely has something to do with the miasma I’d been trapped in.

I mentioned to Mellissa yesterday that I had dug myself into a hole so deep that I couldn’t even tell I was in a hole. Now I feel happy, like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders, even though we’re facing the greatest threat to our marriage to date. I’m focused and confident.

I was sitting with the kids a couple days ago, watching them playing, and thought how nice it was. Then I realized that is probably the way that Mellissa feels all the time. It’s nice.