Mood:
After reading through more of the chat logs from Mellissa’s computer I have come to the realization that I jumped to conclusions about her SCA friends. It’s easy to blame a group that is misunderstood by many, but in viewing the timelines from those chat logs it looks like those that did find out about the first affair only found out long after nothing could be done about it. Those that found out and supported the second affair didn’t really think it was an affair because Mellissa had informed them that there was no chance of reconciliation with me. The blame for the affair is on Mellissa, not her friends, and not the SCA. She could have joined a bowling league and had an affair there.

I would like to formally apologize to Mellissa’s circle of friends, who would be justified in taking umbrage at my rant from the 22nd (which has been edited), as well as feeling embarrassed at some of the private information that I accessed within those logs. Please understand that I only read the logs to get the truth that had been denied me for so long. I will be visiting my children often and taking an interest in their activities, including those involving SCA folk, so if you feel that a personal apology is warranted I will be happy to provide one.

Mood:
Last night I figured out something else Mellissa neglected to inform me about the first affair. Not a lie so much as a lie of omission. I was angry again, and called Alex directly to explain that if he answered my questions truthfully there would be no further business between us. He did (I used some control questions that I already knew the answers for), and I thanked him and wished him well.

I spoke to Mellissa later and explained that because I was in the dark for so long and because of the way my mind approaches problems (which makes me ideal as a software tester), I needed to know everything she had not yet told me. She did so, and I don’t think there are any more secrets left.

We also performed a “post mortem” of our time together, finally really discussing all the things that drove her away. There were MANY times where something would happen and I would do or say something that she would misconstrue, but she would not discuss how she felt with me, so it festered in her heart. For example, when my mother was diagnosed with Huntingdon’s and there was a chance I had it as well, I told her that if I had it then we were not going to have kids. What she heard was me saying, “I now have a reason to not have kids” and she hated me for it. What I had meant was that I didn’t want any chance of passing the Huntingdon’s gene on to my kids…that would have been irresponsible.

These misunderstandings peppered our relationship. If she had only discussed her feelings with me instead of jumping to conclusions we might have been able to avoid this end, but dwelling in the past is no way to live your life, so we have taken these life lessons to heart so we can improve our present and possible future. She is already making sure to not jump to conclusions with Jake, and I’m glad.

However, half of the blame was mine. My anger and emotional withdrawal made it all worse. I have turned my life around and will NEVER scream at my kids again. My primary concern is their wellbeing, and Mellissa’s mental health directly affects that. The time for casting aspersions is over, and we need to make sure our children thrive in their new life. I still have great respect for Mellissa’s parenting skills. She was meant to have children, and taking proper care of those children seems as natural to her as breathing. I understand Jake has stepped up to care for them as well, and that’s a good sign. I hope they make it work, if only so that Mellissa can know she made the right choice, if not the right choice of timing.