Mood: :neutral:

Last night I figured out something else Mellissa neglected to inform me about the first affair. Not a lie so much as a lie of omission. I was angry again, and called Alex directly to explain that if he answered my questions truthfully there would be no further business between us. He did (I used some control questions that I already knew the answers for), and I thanked him and wished him well.

I spoke to Mellissa later and explained that because I was in the dark for so long and because of the way my mind approaches problems (which makes me ideal as a software tester), I needed to know everything she had not yet told me. She did so, and I don’t think there are any more secrets left.

We also performed a “post mortem” of our time together, finally really discussing all the things that drove her away. There were MANY times where something would happen and I would do or say something that she would misconstrue, but she would not discuss how she felt with me, so it festered in her heart. For example, when my mother was diagnosed with Huntingdon’s and there was a chance I had it as well, I told her that if I had it then we were not going to have kids. What she heard was me saying, “I now have a reason to not have kids” and she hated me for it. What I had meant was that I didn’t want any chance of passing the Huntingdon’s gene on to my kids…that would have been irresponsible.

These misunderstandings peppered our relationship. If she had only discussed her feelings with me instead of jumping to conclusions we might have been able to avoid this end, but dwelling in the past is no way to live your life, so we have taken these life lessons to heart so we can improve our present and possible future. She is already making sure to not jump to conclusions with Jake, and I’m glad.

However, half of the blame was mine. My anger and emotional withdrawal made it all worse. I have turned my life around and will NEVER scream at my kids again. My primary concern is their wellbeing, and Mellissa’s mental health directly affects that. The time for casting aspersions is over, and we need to make sure our children thrive in their new life. I still have great respect for Mellissa’s parenting skills. She was meant to have children, and taking proper care of those children seems as natural to her as breathing. I understand Jake has stepped up to care for them as well, and that’s a good sign. I hope they make it work, if only so that Mellissa can know she made the right choice, if not the right choice of timing.



 


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