Mood: 
I like to be liked, I love to be loved,
I want to be wanted, I desire to be desired.
I hate to be hated, I despise being despised,
I envy being envied, I’d like to forget being forgotten.
BUT I AM NOT DEFINED BY YOU.
I am my own person.
Still…
I like to be liked…
– Jim Allison
Mood: 
I’ve been playing Texas Hold’em poker (oh here come the spam bots) with some friends in Vancouver once every second Sunday. What keeps happening every time I go is we can’t start before 6pm so it runs late, and by late I mean “holy crap it’s tomorrow and I still have to drive back to Chilliwack and I work at 8am.”
More often than not (well, 2 out of 3 times so far) I do fairly well so I’m in the final few. However, since I have a drive of more than an hour ahead of me and I don’t want to be a zombie for work I have to change my play style to speed things up, and this is where I start to fail. “6 and 10? ALL IN!” I got 4th out of 12 last night, but could have done better with more time.
Mood: 
So what’s everyone’s favourite type of pizza? Mine’s Hawaiian (Ham & Pineapple), with “all meat” being a close second.
Mood: 
When I found years ago that I could not talk to my wife about my feelings for various reasons that I have mentioned here before but will not reiterate I started to put those feelings onto my blog. She would read my blog, find out how I really felt and then we would discuss it or not. In retrospect that was really fucked up, but since I had never been married before I had no idea what normal was; I was trying anything to salvage my sanity.
When everything fell apart I naturally put it all onto this blog. My best friend had moved away and I was feeling very alone. I needed to vent. When I found out about the infidelities I again put it all down here.
When I speak to people who don’t have blogs about the things I’ve written here I’m asked what the hell I was thinking. Why would I put such personal information on the web for all to see? My reasoning was that all the friends and acquaintances that I never see anymore can get an update on my life, which is what blogs are for in the first place. I had an acquaintance approach me at the grocery store because he had read my blog and we commiserated a bit about ex-wives and kids, which might not have happened otherwise.
However, at this point there’s no reason to continue in this vein. My marriage is over and I’m moving on with my life. The ex and I will work together for the betterment of the kids’ lives, and our own, so there’s no point in dredging up crap; it only holds us back from working on what’s important. Therefore I vow to keep the personal crap out of this blog and may even “sanitize” previous entries when I have time.
I appreciate the support friends, acquaintances and even perfect strangers on the web have given me. Tune in for exciting posts such as if I was a tree what kind of tree would I be.
Mood: 
No posts lately. I’ve been busy.
I’ve moved back in with the Zillwoods for now, since that’s where I keep all my stuff. Will probably be moving out at the end of next month for somewhere in Abbotsford.
Personally I’m doing well. Mellissa and I went out with the kids for our last anniversary on the 10th, which I suggested we treat as a wake for our marriage. We ate out, came back to the house to watch a movie and put the kids to bed together. As I look at Mellissa these days I don’t really find her as attractive as I used to — little imperfections or blemishes that I would never really have noticed due to love’s “rose coloured glasses” are now quite obvious. I guess she hit this point years ago.
I’ve been seeing a woman I met on Plenty of Fish. I tell you, after trying Classmates Dating ($), OKCupid and American Singles ($) and getting barely any response, a free site like PoF that actually works is refreshing. A couple of Mellissa’s less…experienced…friends tried it and likewise found dates. Mellissa wanted to offer her opinion about some of her friends’ suitors’ profiles, and since you cannot view their profiles if you aren’t a member, she signed up. She’s been getting e-mails and virtual roses, even though her profile says she’s not looking for a boyfriend.
It has a good system, in that you are shown thumbnails and brief details of the types of people you are looking for. If you click on the profile that person is notified, so they can then click on you and have a look. If you like them you add them to your Favorites, and vice versa. There is e-mail and messaging internal to the site, so it’s all quite safe. You can even attach a virtual rose to a message.
One suggestion: find your best photo to use as your main picture. It’ll be thumbnailed, but if it’s good you’ll get lots of clicks. From there, a well-written profile will whet their appetites. I was carrying on e-mail conversations with 3 ladies for a few days there, and they all e-mailed me first!
You won’t find my profile on there. I don’t need it anymore! PoF works.
Mood:
Last night I was tidying up some clean laundry that was left on a living room chair when I noticed I was holding some thong underwear I’d never seen before. That caused me to realize I had not seen Mellissa in her underwear for the better part of a year now.
I had to turn away from the kids so they wouldn’t hear the choking crying sounds. This kind of thing will happen sometimes, just all of a sudden, but I will have to inure myself to it. The woman I fell in love with and promised to spend the rest of my life with hasn’t existed in almost three years, and I should not cry for something that has been over for so long…it’s just that I didn’t know until somewhat recently.
On more uplifting news I re-did my personality type test on OKCupid. I used to be The Last Man on Earth, which I’m sure endeared me to prospective applicants on the site…NOT. I have definitely changed, and am now The Pool Boy.
Dance, Poolboy, dance!
